I have been divorced six months now, but he left me 2 years ago.
I still feel broken, like my heart, my life has fallen apart.
I still feel like a failure, like it was all my fault that my family fell apart. I lost everything.
I still find it hard to read about love without my heart hurting.
Watch a “chic” flick without welling up with tears. I cover my mouth with my hands to muffle screams of hurt and shame and pain and sadness.
I have such a great sense of loss. I wish I was over it!
The wound is still very deep and sore.
I still feel abandoned, thrown away, discarded like I was worthless.
Am I not worthy of love, to be treasured, to be appreciated?
Am I not worthy?
I look back and see sadness, and unhappiness, and a loveless relationship.
I look ahead and see me getting older with no prospects of being loved by a man again,
Being loved by a man in the way God loved the church and gave his life for it.
I wish I was not the kind of woman who has such a great desire to be in a loving, passionate, happy relationship with my man. If only I had one.
I don’t ever want to go back to what I had before, who I had before - loveless.
I should be happy about being free, so why has my freedom imprisoned me?
I look around and see nothing, I see loneliness, I see emptiness.
Where is my future?
Will I continue for the rest of my days alone?
I must have faith. I’m trying to have faith.
No one knows that my heart is bleeding. Does anyone care?